Joy

{Am I finally to this point? Am I really this happy for them? What is wrong with me?}

Those were the thoughts I had running through my head today as I drove my daughter and I home. I had gone to the gym after work and her dad was in town, so he picked her up from daycare. When I went to go get her, he told me that he and his fiance were having a boy {I knew they were expecting}. I felt instant joy and excitement followed by complete confusion. Was I really this happy for them? Was I faking it? Can you fake feelings to yourself? No. I was 100%, honestly, from the bottom of my heart, happy for them and my daughter. I got a little excited thinking of what a great big sister she was going to be and how this little person could potentially be her little bodyguard and best friend.

My daughter is 2 and a half. When she was born, her dad and I were still together. Thoughts of marriage were floating around and the future was unknown. Alot happened that first year and we ended things. It was really difficult for me. I thought I had failed my daughter. I had the typical feelings of being the 'ex.' Why was I not good enough for him? Why couldn't we make it work? Then, when I found out he was dating someone, my guards were instantly up. No way would she be around my daughter.

Well, a year and lots of ups and downs later, I think we have overcome the storm. I was not meant to be with my daughters dad. We are in no way compatible and we would've killed each other. But I know our daughter was meant to be here, with both of us. God works in mysterious ways.

I am completely happy in my own life. I have learned to love, LOVE, being single. I am so independent and feel like I can conquer the world. Maybe someday I will settle down; perhaps have a baby or two. But for now, I couldn't be happier that my daughter's dad has found a girl he loves and they are blessing her with a brother.

Feels good to forgive.

xoxo,
Alex