So far, this year has been all about faith and right now, I feel like I am being tested. I feel as though my faith is being put through the ringer and at times, my fingers are starting to lose their grip.
The past couple of years have been rough but also were some of my best learning years. One thing I really have learned is that I can't do this thing called life without God. So this year, I decided to put it all on Him. I have made it a daily habit to pray and read scriptures. As I do these things, I also try to be a good person to all of those who surround me. I am truly trying to be a better person each day and rely on my Heavenly Father. I feel so blessed and constantly have daily reminders of how lucky I am. However, as I strive to accomplish some of my goals, things that will better my life so I can provide for my daughter and also be of service to others, I feel like my patience is being tested. I am having to turn to faith and am putting everything I have into it.
I have been applying to jobs, even interviewing for one, and I have had no luck thus far. I have put a lot of time and effort in becoming certified as a personal trainer, being prayerful as I study. I took the exam the other day, and I failed by 1 point. I am not getting enough hours at work and for the first time since I moved Addi and I into our first home in August, I am scared that I won't be able to make ends meet this month. I have changed the way I eat completely and am trying to exercise regularly, in hopes to build more confidence and get back to my old self. Yet, I have seen little results.
And as I work on all of these things, I have been very prayerful and striving to be close to God. Do I feel like my prayers aren't being answered? Oddly enough, no. Even though I have not achieved things I thought I would by now and even though I am unsure how I will put the pieces together this month, I feel comfort and have complete faith that if I continue strive to be close with God, I just know that somehow, someway, my prayers will be answered and my reliance on faith will bring many blessings.
So as I start a new day and week tomorrow, I am going to continue the things I am doing, while improving on things I know I can do better. My faith is truly being tested but through these trials, I know I will become a stronger person and my prayers will be answered.
xoxo, Alex